Day 7 - Finally Tears Come

Some days here are more difficult than others. I finally had one of my difficult days. I knew it was coming but it still hit me harder than I had expected.
I am learning so much here. About Bangladesh, about politics, about myself. I am beginning to wonder how much stamina I actually have. I have always prided myself on being strong, but am I?

The frustration here is twofold. The world here is corrupt from the top right down to the bottom. I don't know if corrupt is even a word that exists in Bengali because it seems to be a part of their culture. This is the kind of place where you can do anything if you have enough money. They do not understand why, if they have money, why we cannot help them get into Canada. And theft is rampant right from the top of the government down to the poorest orphanage. I will explain. If you want to do anything in Bangladesh it is possible if you pay the right government official enough money. If you live in an orphanage in Dhaka, your bed-mate may steal your underwear. Now do you see?

My second frustration is the lack of care of the children. They all need so much attention, it is exhausting. When Kristen and I go to visit the girls house they literally hang off both of us. I am anxious about when she leaves that there will not be enough of me to go around. My job is to give the kids attention, to supervise the staff at the orphanage, to create liasons between FFC and Canadian and Bangladeshi officials...and all in 3 months. The good news is that I am continuing work already begun. But the bad news is that right now there is no volunteer scheduled to follow me.

Yesterday, we spent a lovely afternoon at the Canadian Club, shmoozing with government employees and eating Caesar salad and drinking Heinekin (1). It was another world. Then we returned home to eat Iftar (celebratory Muslim meal after fasting) then eating dinner, then visiting the entire Other House which includes the Special Care Floor.
This floor is the most difficult to see. These are mentally and physically disabled abandoned kids. I don't think that I can begin to describe it. Most are barely clothed, and sit on the floor. They have help from the women we employ but it is so sad. They grab you, hit themselves, rock, and go to the bathroom wherever they are. And this is good care in Bangladesh.

We completed our day by sorting through cockroach infested clothes and handing them out to the children who pretended they were shopping and all said 'Thank you' as they left the room. We finished at 12:30 a.m. I must admit that I came home and cried...my first time.

To all who read this, please don't worry, I am fine, I am lucky. And don't think that I am special for travelling to this place of heaven and hell. Just know that we are all dealt a different hand in life, and one card is simply the location of your birth.

Day 5 - Party Time

Today was a very special day for FFC. Today was the grand opening of the FFC Women's Gym, Spa and Co-op. Many people have been working very hard to make this happen. It is difficult to explain how important this is to these children. They have done much of the work at the Spa, they have cooked the food, prepared the entertainment and so much more. The party atmosphere is the same here as at home. It's like Christmas dinner and I think in many ways that the photos will do a better job explaining than I could ever do in words. So, this is more of a photo blog.....Enjoy.


Kristen, touching up the paint.





Mala, my assistant, dancing!






Sonawara and I in the fashion show! And musical entertainment!


Only a few of us!

Day Three - The Rickshaw

After writing my last blog one of the girls, Aki 2, came to me and asked me to go to the Beauty Parlour with her. So off we went at 9:30 at night to go and help clean and paint and more. By the time we left it was past midnight and you have to imagine the scene.....8 girls, 3 boys, 2 Canadians walking home in streets of Dhaka after midnight (relax mom, no Bangla's are out this late) and it is POURING rain. We can't find a taxi or a rickshaw for a long time. Apparently Bangla's are afraid of the rain and Kristen and I can't figure out why for the life of us as we welcome the cool water after such a long hot day. Finally a rickshaw comes, only after a car passes us in a 4 inch puddle and does not slow down...I am soaked. We ride home, in the rain, by rickshaw, laughing all the way. I think I laugh more here.

Today was more rickshaw but in crazy traffic. I ventured out on my own for the first time (okay I took a student with me to translate but hey!) I bought a computer adapter (the wrong one) picked up photos for Kristen (couldn't find them) and bought paint for the Spa (the wrong colour). But I made it there and back okay! This place fills me with gratitude for small successes.

My day is complete with my own internet hook-up because I pushed myself and asked for it. As well, I sang a group of our little ones to sleep tonight. They reminded me so of Duncan and Ian that I 'almost' cried. They are ill with a skin condition and so they are seperated from the rest of the kids. They call me mama Tamara and now they know that 'Tamara gun' which means Tamara sing!

Oh, and did I tell you, that 2 inch beedle, was a cockroach! Oh well.

Tomorrow I actually begin to work. But I will still sing to the kids. I can't wait to bring out my flute!

Do no bad! (Thank you)

T

P.S. Soon I will have my webcam fixed and I will be able to send instant photos. (Kevin, this is what I look like when I'm camping, or when I'm in Bangladesh!)

Day Two - Women's Co-op & More

Today I awoke at 6:40 a.m. and felt good and refreshed. I had a bath in a tub, which is a real treat here. There is no hot water but it doesn't matter because the cold feels so good. I filled the tub with about 2 inches and just laid in it. Breakfast was an egg, a banana and some challah(bread), oh and sweet tea.

We had decided that I would go with 3 of the girls to the International School (the I.S) and set up a table to sell the things that the women make in the Co-Op. Mom, you were right, the co-op is at the school in Dhaka as well as in India. We spent the day and sold 3,250 takas worth of stuff. It takes 67 takas to make 1 dollar. The most exciting part for me was the ride home in a scooter. Imagine 4 of us, 3 bags of stuff crammed into the back of a 3 wheeled scooter with a metal and plastic floor walls and ceiling with no doors. The busses were so close to us that we had to squish to keep our knees in so as not to touch them. I laughed all the way home and it made the girls laugh.

Dhaka is amazing. I think the thing that strikes me is the smell. It is a combination of sewage, exhaust, heat, and something that I cannot name. I will likely smell of it when I come home.

The school is wonderful, busy, struggling but so much more. I am told that they employ almost 80 people between the 2 schools and the camp. I think that may be a wonderful spinoff of such a wonderful endeavour of Sandra, our founder.

The children live here, all are orphans. We have many special needs kids and all need in some way. The goal here is to get them off the street, give them basic needs and education and to try to help them find work or perhaps marriage. There are not many jobs here for women. I asked a lot of questions today to find that women sew, make things to sell, sometimes have other jobs or get married. If they are not married, it is very difficult. So we try to educate them and teach them some skill that will help them to live.

Kristen, the current volunteer has spent the last 3 months putting together a Spa so that the girls could learn some new and valuable skills. She wrote and received a grant to make it happen. It is very exciting for the girls right now. I will send photos.

Again, know that I am well. I am having a hard time trying to imagine how I can possibly help. I send my love to all. I am finding it difficult to put this into words so forgive me if my writing is scattered.

Dhaka - Unbelievable

I have arrived in Dhaka. Actually I arrived about 10 hours ago but this is the first opportunity I have had to work on a computer. The day consisted of a tour of the two orphanages and a lot of naps.

It is safe to say that I am somewhat overwhelmed today. No tears yet but close. I am so excited to be here, but at the same time I feel so incredibly inept. I cannot imagine how my limited being can ever possibly do enough to alleviate the level of poverty here.

The school houses 151 children and they are all obviously desperate for attention. The only ones that do not stand when I enter the room, shout out an energetic 'good morning' and then fight to hold my hand, stroke my hair, or ask me my favourite anything, are the children in the special ward for sick kids.

I am honoured to be here.

Tomorrow I am hoping to make a photograph day. I want you all to see this amazing place. I don't have my own computer hooked up to the internet so I don't have MSN or my video camera working yet (sorry Kevin).

Please know that despite my combined feelings of exhaustion, fear, excitement and love I am alright and I know for certain that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. As I threw a sheet over a mattress pad in the middle of the floor of the room that Kristen and I will share for the next few days, I saw the largest beedle I have ever seen run across the corner of the floor. I laid down on the floor under a huge ceiling fan, felt the sweat drip down my back (it's about 35 here and humid) and fell asleep for 2 hours.

Love from Bangladesh,
Tamara

Dubais Airport

I've landed in Dubais. It was a long flight, more than 12 hours and I had forgotten how hard that is to do. Funny how easily we forget some things. Great food, spicy curry chicken, cheese omelette. I always struggle with how much to eat. Eat too much you feel like crap, eat too little and you feel hungry and you are always just a little at the mercy of the airline because you are stuck in your seat and you have to wait for the food cart to come along. I am still conscious of not over eating as I don't want to get plump, but also know that I may suffer with the change in diet and so I don't mind the extra calories right now...silly to worry about I know considering what I am about to do. Yet, my humanness prevails.

They sang the call to prayer a moment ago. I had forgotten how much I like that sound. It is beautiful. The airport is very nice, full of people from all over the world but very definitley Middle Eastern dominant. I like the clothing, and find myself very comfortable walking through the place and the people. Those who know me won't be surprised that I found the most comfortable place to write this on the floor sitting against the wall. But I am sure to keep my feet flat on the floor as I know that in some places overseas it is disrespectful to show the bottom of your feet.

I am now 8 hours ahead of you, 2 more when I arrive in Dhaka. I hate losing time. Especially today, Duncan's birthday. Birthdays should be 48 hours long....especially for my prince Duncan.

And dad, thank you for the book. I read two sections so far and I LOVE it. My favourite quote so far is "religious people fear hell, spiritual people have been there".

Oh, one more thing. I forgot about squat toilets. I don't mind them, but I sure hope they never make a move to install them in North America.

Love to all,
Me!

Departure Day

Today I am heading off on my adventure. I take with me 15 recorders, 20 books, stickers, alphabet, number and phonetic word flash cards, a long Alphabet border, my flute, 2 zip lock bags full of herb and vegetable seeds, a tool kit, paint and a book to paint in, and some spa stuff for Kristen (the volunteer that I am following). This fills one whole suitcase.

My backpack is full of my camera and dad's mini photo printer, 2 huge first aid kits, hiking boots, one pair of dress shoes (dad knows that shoe choice was one of the most difficult decisions), 2 hats, and a small pile of clothes. There are also a few odds, like a compass, a quick dry towel, a travel hair dryer (hmm, do I really need this?) and the required important paperwork.

The bag isn't even full and I feel like I have forgotten something. But I realize now that the rest of the bag is full of all of the kind words, thoughts, best wishes, hopes, dreams and desires of all of the people that I take with me.

I will make you proud. And more importantly, I will make a difference.

Departure time, 9:40 p.m. Toronto, September 19, 2008
Arrival time, 8:40 a.m. Dhaka, September 21, 2008
F.Y.I. Dhaka is 10 hours AHEAD in time.